I have my drugs, I have my woman. They keep away my loneliness.

Hooo, man! I'm so jumpy!

I look like a little orphan. Aw, orphan Shamae. Always shivering and jumping at the damn coo-coo clock.

Who invented those things?
YOU know? I'd like to know.

They deserve to be kicked at least once, gently on the back of their thigh.

WHY am I always SO COLD?!?!


.....
I went to Jackson today. It's about an hour from my house. My tire is shredded, I was stranded out there for a little bit.
I was just looking for a job.
and now I'm broke and carless.
Ah the irony!
.....

....... DAMN COO COO CLOCK!

I want to go to the beach? With no worries. And someone. Anyone that wouldn't complain if I smoked when they weren't down-wind. And would let me play music that I wanted (but I'd make sure they liked it, too). And anyone that would say, "I don't know exactly how I feel about you, but I will say that I care about you." Then we could enjoy the beach together. Fun, ehhhhhh?

I got carried away tonight. Oh. well.
SO cold! If I was a guy, I'd expect shrinkage! Yah!! I SAID it.

I don't cry when my dog runs away

Early in the morning,
Rising to the street.
Light me up that cigarette
And I strap shoes on my feet.

Got to find a reason,
A reason things went wrong.
Got to find a reason
Why my money's all gone.

I got a dalmation,
I can still get high.
I can play the guitar
Like a mother fucking riot.

It all comes back to you,
You finally get what you deserve.
Try and test that,
You're bound to get served.

Let the lovin', let the lovin' come back to me.

So I have this problem with shaking. I can't pin it to a certain reason why. Actually, it's probably a combination of an assortment of reasons. I am cold often. And I'd like to just leave it at that. At the moment it could very well be the lame-ass combination of 13 Tylonals and the biggest energy drink I can find (my pathetic attempt to get a little buzzed, since it's all I can get ahold of). But what worries me most, is that it's probably the fact that there are two people out there that know I'm doing something aweful to them. Well one knows. One suspects. It tears me apart that I am tearing them apart. And they only know half of it. And it will stay that way. Because they will never know (let alone accept) it until I accept it. And I never will. I'm shaking because I'm scared. Jesus! It won't stop!!

I know a girl who cries when she practices violin. Because each note sounds so pure, it just cuts into her, and then the melody comes pouring out her eyes. Now to me, everything else; it just sounds like a lie.

Ooohhh I've done a bad, bad thing. I'm so scared.. but just because it's happening RIGHT NOW.. I knew it would come. I knew I'd fuck things up, but I just kept pushing. I just KEPT PUSHING! WHY? Ahhh, SHAMAE! You really have no idea, the amount of trouble I've caused. I don't know what to do. I'm SO scared. ahh.. I .. don't know what to do. I don't have anywhere to RUN for this one. ..I always run from my problems... I don't have anywhere to go. I can't even ask for help. You get what you deserve, never forget that.